I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
