That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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