I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
