i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize