also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize