On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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