It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
