My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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