I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also, beer. Big fan.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
