you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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