I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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