theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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