I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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