It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My life is pants optional.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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