It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
