I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
