As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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