my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
