Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize