You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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