im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You left your phone here
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