I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You may now shotgun with the bride
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
