No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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