epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
