I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
