I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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