OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
