that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
