i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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