Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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