Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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