Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
