Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
