So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
