I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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