You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
