Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
