but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
worst night to have a conscience
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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