bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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