I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
