So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
