My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
