mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize