I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
