and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
