her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
