I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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