If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
