id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize