But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
