woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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