I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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