Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
