i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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