i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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