I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
