My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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