Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
