those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think my moral compass just broke
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