As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
