My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
